How the professional crisis look like?

This year marked my ten years professional record of cool career in IT. During those years I did a lot of things with a lot of different technologies. I feel like I know a lot and I don’t know squat. I didn’t touched many technologies considered “modern”. I didn’t do that because most of the companies are still using stuff invented in 80s and 90s.

Today I’m questioning those 10 years work I’ve done. Today, I’m thinking of changing everything around.

When starting work I was a systems administrator dealing with Windows servers and some not too nice software. On top of that, I was fixing printers problems, fixing chairs, changing wires and solving network issues.

Then I got to know the insurance industry. It was great. Until I stopped learning and every day was just another day. I was smoking a lot, I was drinking a lot. I got fat. Then I woke up.

After eight years, I moved to Berlin. I worked as Systems Engineer, and it was pretty neat. We did a lot of great job and I loved most of it. Then I felt like I miss something. I felt I could do more, but I couldn’t. So I left.

Now I’m working as a one-person team that knows everything about everything. I think you know that it’s not all unicorns and rainbows. This is awesome but difficult job. I love and hate it. I still feel I could do better.

So here I am, trying to do best job I can do, feeling bad because I know somewhere in my guts I could do even better if given a chance.

Either this, or do something else.

Maybe I could start working as a consultant for cloud architecture solutions? Or maybe I could build some solutions myself… but who would pay me for doing that? Or, maybe I should start building chairs. Or digging holes.

This is how professional crisis look like. You do stuff, but you feel it’s not what you supposed to do. It feels like you work against what you should be doing. But you do what you have to do and then there’s weekend and you don’t have power to do anything, so you lie down and watch Netflix and rest. You drink beer or wkisky or tee. And then you wake up on Monday.

At the moment I want to stay where I am for one or two years, then I will need to decide how should I proceed with my life. But decision must be made soon.

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